10 on 2sday

10. Let me just say this for myself . . . WTF??? I feel like I've been trying to nail jello to a tree lately.

9. Thank you for the awesome birthday party for Grace. I am always so amazed at the good spirit and fun you all put into the event. It's a great tradition! It's funny, because before three years ago, I'd never even been to a Halloween party. Now, I can't imagine this time of year without it. That little girl has been amazing this year. She never ceases to amaze me with her maturity and compassion. So I'm so thankful you guys put in such a great effort to make her special. She needs it. She deserves it.

8. I tear up just thinking how she'll be with Shane on her birthday. I just hate it. Ten years ago I felt like we had just become a family. Now, I'm mourning the loss of that feeling. But, I am also rejoicing in the fact that the definition has become redefined. There are certainly things that are horrible. But the strength those little girls have given me has truly changed who I thought I was. We are doing this. We are doing this well. And I like who I am now a lot of better than who I thought I was just last year. Because at least now, I'm real.

7. I just got a text from Shane two seconds ago. It said, "Who was I to you?" Oh, god. Why does he do this? It's like living in a form of hell. Do I tell him he was everything? That I invested my whole life into that life with him? I know who he was then to me, but I don't even know who is today. I don't even recognize him. So I have to question who I ever thought he was.

6. I'm seeing a theme. I'm moving off this crap now.

5. I love Samuri on Tuesday nights.

4. Jamie, a friend of Chris's came over and fixed my sidewalks last night. I'd gotten a letter from the city that I had to fill in some cracks. I'm so thankful for even the friends of friends who do things like that.

3. When Dancing with the Stars comes on, my living room turns into a dance floor. You should see the lifts. And the moves. Love that. My kids are so full of happiness.

2. I need to upload pictures from the party. I hope I can swing that. If not today, tomorrow.

1. I love rain. It sounded so wonderful hitting my window this morning. So cozy. I have an entire playlist devoted to rain songs on my iTunes. That's love.