And Then The Ambulance Ride

She wanted her Grandma.

Finally they got the IV started.

Two babies in ER

Monday, Feb. 23. 2009

It was about 4:00 pm, and Shane and I were sitting on the bed with Josie in between us. She has perked up, and was talking to us. And frowning. We were laughing at her because it had just been too long since we'd seen her little personality. We were tired, too. It was nice to have some calmness.

Shane got up and went into Grace and Faith's room and was reading to all the girls. Josie was sitting behind him reading her book.

Shane said he looked over his shoulder to see Josie "slumping" over. Like she was going to lay down. And then he described her shaking her head slightly. He said he tried to open her mouth, but it was clenched shut. He yelled for me, and I remember thinking that she must have thrown up. But there was panic in his voice and I scrambled. When I got in there, she was laying on the floor in the bedroom, and the three of them were hoovered around her. Shane said something was really wrong, and I asked him, "911 wrong?" "Yes."

She was limp, non-responsive. Breathless. Her lips were turning blue.

That is such a helpless feeling. I was beside myself with emotion. We all were. We were so horrified. I called 911, only to speak with a bitch who told me she couldn't help me if I didn't calm down. Easy to freakin' say that when it's not your baby girl laying there totally non-responsive. I remember telling her that she had my name and address and we needed help. I told her what happened, and I told her I didn't know what her problem was with the information that I had just given her. Help. Now.

I ran over, rung Keller's doorbell, then ran away. Chris swooped over, the kids went to Bridgit's, and the first responders came pouring in.

Shane was screaming her name. Over and over. Instinct makes you think louder will trigger something. But when it doesn't, panic overtakes everything.

It makes me sick to even think of this scene. It felt so surreal. And I just didn't want to be in that moment.

I kept screaming at the First Responders, asking if she was breathing. Finally, they told me they got some air moving in her. Where was it before? Why did it go away?

She didn't open her eyes to look at me until we were halfway down to the hospital in the back of the ambulance. When she looked at me, I'm pretty sure she didn't know who I was, anyway. But I kept talking to her the whole time. I told her she'd ok. I told her Jennie was so worried about her. I sang the wheels on the ambulance go 'round and 'round. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

We get to the hospital, and she seems to "perk" up. She screams at the countless failed attempts to start an IV because her veins keep collapsing. She has tears in her eyes. She looks scared.

Meanwhile, Jessie called and said Jennie wouldn't even lift her head up off her shoulder, so Shane and Dad went and got her. So they both were down there in the emergency room. Horrified that whatever triggered Josie to do this, could happen in her identical twin, who had been suffering the same illness she had been. I bounced from one room to another, holding one baby down during needle pokes, and then switching rooms just to do to another.

I love my babies. I love, love, love them. I kept thinking how blessed I felt when they were born, thinking I had clear sailing from then on out. But not the case. It was only the beginning. I should have known better. It's not like I'm new to this.